Yesterday she sent me this wonderful bit of doggerel, a cross between Dr Seuss and nineteenth-century temperance hymns. Beware, drinkers of Coke and other soft drinks!
If I were young and twenty-two
I’d stand up straight as soldiers do.
I’d stick my boobs out even though
They’re not known as the “best in show.”
I’d never ever drink a Coke,
For Coke can ruin your life—no joke!
How many women “of an age”
Have found their lives trapped in the cage
Of high addiction to this drink!
Yes, I’d imagine, I would think
That demon rum would ruin their lives.
But, no. It’s Coke with subtle lies
Of wondrous bubbles up your nose,
Until you’ve drunk so much it shows
In belly fat and yellow teeth,
In burps and farts and, yes, flat feet.
And so this warning you must heed—
All you young things who’ve yet to breed.
Beware this cola’s false allure.
Be strong. Be wise. Because I’m sure
That if you let this villain in,
You will be hooked. So don’t begin.
Resist, restrain yourself. And then
You’ll enter old age fit and thin,
With fewer wrinkles and more teeth,
With surer step and strength beneath
Your aging legs and hips and thighs.
I would not fool you, tell you lies.
This warning comes because I care.
Now heed this warning, please. Beware!
--© Cathy Pezdirtz, 2013